A New Season

It feels like we have become empty nesters all over again! The role of caregiver to an adult parent is a tenuous situation--giving orders, holding the line for responsibility and/or change and keeping tabs on her/him is so unnatural. Our culture doesn't give enough respect to the elderly but, given the opportunity to have authority over them puts a child under an emotional strain.

We are parents and know the problems all parents experience: pride, disappointment; new life, early death; when to push and when hands-off is best. But we are ill equipped to know when and how to prod a stubborn parent to eat or good to bed when tired. Being stubborn from a child is normal; defiance from a parent, well, could raise the ugly head of revenge in the child. That's a lot of responsibility for anyone to have!

Today Dave's mom was ushered back to Kansas City to join an Alzheimer's Unit of others who need more specialized care than can be given by a child and other family. We dropped Mom and Nancy at the Sacramento airport and left to return home to pack for our move. However, upon encouragement from Nancy, we decided to give our freedom a test. We turned around and went to the IKEA store, IHOP, McDonald's and Home Depot--never giving a thought to going home in case Mom needed us or was acting out with the hired caregiver. I'm afraid I acted selfishly and even childishly; however, the emotional freedom was heady.

I don't understand it but I did experience again that same feeling I did when the last child went to college. My life is my life again! But there is a nagging thought, "Is that true?" And, in truth, I realize that it is just another change. We still have those whose lives we touch everyday. So, because God is in charge of our lives, we desire that our lives will be a conduit for His love to reach more people than just our family. We are not in charge of our lives whether raising children, taking care of elderly parents, or visiting our neighbors.

Found a Home!

Well, the house hunting did turn up something definitely acceptable! We looked at 6 places last weekend and I looked at one during the week. It came down to where I would feel most comfortable for the times I am by myself. That turned out to be a 2 bedroom, 1 1-1/2 bath, 2 story condo in the middle of Modesto. It seems that most of the residents are older so no big partying in the complex. I think there will be a feeling of safety and comfort. It will be a real challenge to pack lots of "stuff" away that I have had, at least, available.

We're going to have to store lots of stuff including some of Mom's furniture. That will definitely be useful and we'll truck it back to the Midwest later in the year. Kelli and Nancy will be here over "President's weekend" helping to sort and pack. It is always easier to pack away or give away someone else's stuff so I'm hoping they will do that for me.

Well, the Lord did come through with a great place to live and, hopefully, give me strength to get it all packed so we can move in the 26th. For some reason, I seem to have difficulty getting the body in gear and, since the mind isn't in gear either, there's nothing to do, right? Oh well, there may be only this move and the last one to the East. Next time, I may pay someone to pack for me ;o} .

If I have the energy, I'll post again after the move...

The Family Split-Up

Well, the time has come for us to split up. Mom is going back to Kansas City after a long two years in California. Her disease has progressed to point that we really can't care for her like she needs. With both of us working and Dave out of town all week, we just found that she needs more interaction with people.

For the past couple of months we have had a lady (sometimes accompanied by her boyfriend) come to spend 2-3 hrs in the afternoon with Mom. A benefit was that Cathy wanted to learn to cook so, she also cooked dinner for us all. I planned the meals, shopped and provided the recipes and she had dinner ready when I got home. I loved it!

Now, one week of the status quo left and it's kind of scary that it has arrived so quickly! Knowing an event is coming and being prepared for it are SO different. Come to think of it, that's the way it all started. 1) We found out Mom was out of money and we had 2 weeks to move her. 2) We found the perfect house. 3) Our friends helped us move in on Saturday and 4) Mom arrived on Tuesday.

The next new abode can be found just as quickly and end up just as perfect. The Lord told me it would be a stressful time but He thought we were equal to the challenge. We looked at a 3-bdrm duplex today. The master was barely big enough to hold our (king size) bed! It is all on the same level though. A good thing for old people... We will go tomorrow to look at other places and get started packing -- again.

We both really love the house we've been in--the layout, the pool, the yard, the fruit trees, the roses--but know the Lord will provide something good as a replacement. The kids will probably come one last time this spring before we leave California for the Eastern environs. It would be great to have a place big enough for them to stay with us.

In a way this change is sad. Mom has changed so much over these 2 years and I think that has been one of the sources of our difficulties with her. The (mental) person she has become is not the person she used to be. And, we have found that those disappointed expectations are such a part of living together and put a heavy strain on our relationship.

We are all on the threshold of a new season in our lives and what it holds is yet to be seen! Scary and thrilling all at the same time; I want it to be over so we know the outcome yet also know the need to go through it--ups and downs--so we can TOTALLY enjoy the end. I'll let you know how it works out...

THANKSGIVING WEEKEND

Dave asked me what I was thankful for this year so I listed the many blessings God has given us and was truly feeling blessed! You might have thought I was crazy if you could have seen us. At the time we were sitting in our Corvette, infamous for breaking down on trips, that had broken down...again. We were sitting on the side of Highway 1 just south of Big Sur having just coasted backwards about 100 yards to a turnout. We were just a couple hundred yards from the ocean but it wasn't to be seen. It was Thanksgiving Day, 2009, and we had just finished our very non-traditional dinner--a burrito--a large, delicious burrito. Sitting in a broken down dream car in the middle of nowhere means you are in a place of total dependence. We talked; we walked. Dave fumed some, but, in all, it was rather relaxing. Having faith in God's goodness is believing without seeing--right where we were sitting. Maybe we'll never see what the reason for not making it to see our friends in L.A., but, even if we don't, there's no doubt that God has shown us favor this year. A burrito for Thanksgiving dinner is not that bad.

Dave finally called AAA but had difficulty with a dispatcher who didn't know her directions. She wanted to know if we were "before or after" Santa Cruz. Then, THEN, the Supervisor couldn't find Big Sur on the Goggle map. About 5:00 p.m., just as the sun was going down, the tow truck arrived. It was no big deal, really...we had been in the same spot before.

After we arrived at my sister, Judy's, house in Santa Cruz, we helped them eat Thanksgiving leftovers. So, we got our dinner after all. The next day we borrowed a car and went to see the Pinnacles National Monument close to Soledad, CA. You'll see the pictures of them below to remind you that our planet was NOT an accident! This park is mainly for hiking, condor watching and/or rock climbing. Thought about our pastor in K.C., Fred Herron, he is a rock climber. We, fortunately, are not; but we can appreciate the beauty of them.
There was a 4.3 mile trail that we "strolled" along for about a half mile. We were going about that far or until the camera batteries died--both of which happened at the same time. The sky was intermittently cloudy and, it had rained a little just as we arrived, so our underlying goal was not to get caught on the trail in the rain. Just as we got in the car the sprinkles started again. Favor...?...!

We decided to drive back through Carmel to Santa Cruz via the Carmel Valley Drive. It took us 1.5 hrs to go 37 miles but we explored a beautiful valley with trees turned yellow, orange and red, along a low, slow river, winding up the side of the Coastal Mountains then over and down them to Carmel-By-The-Sea. We left the almost arid valley and abruptly entered into a rain forest with the rain falling gently. See the rainbow? We could see it completely from side to side and it had almost become a double. Within 100 miles such diversity was exhilerating!


My nieces were driving home to Sacramento Friday night so we bummed a ride. We sneaked into the house, slept in our own bed and crept out the next morning to see what else was out there for us to see. The car headed south toward Visalia--about 2 hrs. away. The day was beautiful! The sun was shining brilliantly, however, we were headed to the only portion of the state without sun. In fact there was a big dark cloud that covered the whole area! It didn't seem too brilliant on our part. However, even the clouds can be beautiful when God leads us!

We wound our way through the Sierra Nevada foothills to the entrance of Sequoia National Park under a dark sky. The Ranger told us that we needed to have tire chains in the car in case the weather deteriorated--which he said was only 16 miles away. We pushed upward and in and out of the switchback curves, left and right and in and out (getting woozy yet?). Dave had to open the sun roof to get some fresh air ...and he was driving! Then we hit fog and I mean we barely could see the road ahead of us. You know how it feels to be isolated in that dense, almost palpable whiteness. Which also causes the fear that someone will intrude on that peaceful solitude ... maybe even violently. The Lord kept us going through and we finally came out on top--literally--of the fog. As you can see below, you could almost imagine that we were in Heaven looking down on Earth when it was "without form".


We stopped at about 7,000 feet (altitude) and hiked about .5 mile from the parking lot which was a steep slope down about 241 feet (altitude) in that short distance. This was all to see the-- HUGE is the only adjective that comes to mind--(well, maybe COLOSSAL too) General Sherman tree. Such beauty! We headed back up the path. However thin air, aging bodies and minds that think we're still in our 30's were working against us. Determination and practicality kicked in and we made it. Yea!!!! (Dave went out this morning to walk to increase his stamina. ;o})

There was some snow (the reason for the clouds) and the temperature was about 32 degrees. Lots of people had put on their chains because they don't know how to drive in snow. However, the worst of it looked like a Kansas City residential street that has been plowed after a snow--barely enough to know it had happened. Personally, I was glad that John Q. Public had their chains on!

We got down off the mountain about 4:00 p.m. but it was too late in the day and the wrong season to go on to see King's Canyon National Park. Maybe we'll get that done yet. We stopped for soup and chili at Marie Calendar's and drove home under a clear, star-studded sky. A great weekend!

Sunday we stayed home from church (I know...!) and devoted some time to Grandmother to celebrate her birthday. We took her to Kohl's just after they opened so the crowds were be less and before she got tired. She looked at lots of watches (thanks to Bob & Debi) and wanted one that had lots of "bling". Dave talked her out of the sparkling ones and she finally settled on one that has a pretty gold (stretch) band and a crystal that has magnification. Now she can see what time it is and the date too! Don't ask me why, but it is important for her to know this.

That evening we then went to Cool Hand Luke's about a block from our house for dinner. They are always saturating the air with abundantly fragrant odors so we went to partake of the food to see it was as good as it smelled. It was outstanding! Grandmother did try to take the stage with her dramatics but kept our heads and Dave only had to "walk himself" once.

We are thankful for a restful weekend wherein I didn't overdo with holiday cooking and Dave didn't take so many naps that he couldn't sleep at night. Life can again be entered into with gusto!

The couple that has been coming to stay a couple of days with Grandmother, John and Cathy, has stepped up their hours to 4 days a week. Also, Cathy wants to learn how to cook so she is fixing dinner for us the 4 nights they are at the house. I make out a menu and tell her where the recipes are and oila! I can relax when I get home. It is so helpful! It forces me to look ahead, to compile a grocery list and to relate to people after a day of relating... which could be the most difficult thing for me.

Hope you have been rejuvenated by the holiday and remembering what it is all about. May God continue to bless you with His love!

Well, we had quite a night last night! I was in the kitchen and had just called Mom to come to the table for dinner. All of a sudden she called out my name and I turned just in time to see her go down behind the couch. When I got to her, she was bleeding and moaning. The doctors later kept asking if she had lost consciousness but I don't think she did. Anyway, she had a laceration down the middle of her forehead where she had hit the bookcase. I was able to get a good bandage to hold it together until someone could figure out how bad it was.

I moved the couch and tried to get her to stand up but I couldn't budge her. If it hadn't been a difficult situation, I could have laughed at her. She rolled to her stomach and laid there with her face in the carpet and her arms beside her saying, what do I do now? I was able to get her to her knees and holding on to the couch when someone knocked at the door. What terrible timimg! (However, I think that it helped Mom get up because she didn't want to be seen on the floor.)

Well, it turned out that the person at the door was the son of our neighbor, but I saw him as an angel. He had come to remind us that our sprinkler (which was broken by the gardener) was shooting into his parents' yard. We talked a minute and just as he was leaving, I asked if he could come in and help me get Mom up and into the car. It turns out he is a former paramedic and now a police officer. Also, his mother-in-law had Alzheimer's and had lived with them for 5 years. He knew exactly what to do and how to get her to do what he asked her to.

I got her to the Emergency Room and, because of her age and the wound being on the head, they pushed her up the line. They asked the same questions 3 times by 3 different people before we got to a bed. They took a CT scan and x-rays, blood and urine specimens and even fed her just before we left. She hadn't had dinner and was getting hungry although not shaky. A dinner meal had been brought for another patient who left before eating so they gave it to us. It was a chicken with pasta and broccoli entree which she likes and, I think, we won't even have to pay for it!

They didn't stitch the cut because it was superficial--they glued it! Check out the mug shot. The doctor tried to reassure her that it would be less noticeable because it was right in the middle instead of off center. It will be awhile though before it isn't noticeable.

We left for the hospital about 6:30 p.m. got home about 11:00 p.m. But, hey! I didn't have anything better to do with my evening anyway. We will go see her primary doctor today at 11:00 a.m. The ER doc thought it was one of her meds that was making her heart rate slow too much which caused dizziness. We'll see. That's what they usually do after her being in the hospital--change the meds.

Dave was up in Klamath Falls, Oregon, about 8 hrs away. So, he will be in tonight. Since I did not have a POA (Power of Attorney) for her, it could have gotten sticky without him there. I didn't think I would need her living trust with me because I didn't see a need. It could have come up though. The doctor asked about a pacemaker or possible other remedies. Must give this some more thought.

Life goes on and we make adjustments so we fit into it better. Or, you could all go "kaysi" with me.

Family Reunion

Well, Nancy and Bob and Debi came for a long weekend. It was so fun! We laughed a lot and talked a lot (and loudly) and ate well.

We spent a day going to, in and around, and returning from the City (San Francisco). There is so much to see and one day just hits the high spots. However, we were blessed with a clear sky, 75 degrees and moderate traffic. Just as we went over the Golden Gate the fog rolled into the Bay and made the bridge and city look like they were high in the clouds. We got some wonderful pictures and then the fog dissipated. The rest of the pictures were so clear you would really wonder if it was San Francisco.

For dinner we ate seafood on the water at Half Moon Bay. Afterward we went to the marina and watched a seal family teach their baby to catch fish. It was fascinating!

Bob has taken up photography and he got over 300 pictures a day of everything there was around. Sometimes it's hard to remember the beauty specifically but not with his pictures around!

We took another day and went to Yosemite National Park. The waterfalls aren't running right now because the rivers are so dry. They will start up again in late October. We may go back and hike up to the top of Yosemite Falls. Dave and I will probably have to do some conditioning to be in shape. Carrying around all this weight does not get you in shape!

Their last day here we went to Knight's Ferry where there is the longest covered bridge west of the Mississippi. The river there is so clear and it has big boulders to climb on or just admire. Western beauty is so unique! We had lots of fun seeing it with Debi. She thought California was all like LA--full of houses, people and office buildings. The orchards, rivers and rolling hills left her speechless with wonder. I loved being able to share it with them.

G-Mom went with us to Yosemite but was very uneasy the whole time we were gone. Another aspect of her disease came to light--when she is away from "home", she feels vulnerable and unsafe. That was good to find out. Although she doesn't like being alone, at least she is not as fearful when she is at home.

Well, I hope you enjoy the pictures and the summary of our weekend. The enjoyment that comes from being with family cannot be explained. Episodes are funny that wouldn't be if by yourself; food tastes better when shared; and life seems to be fuller. That's what we experienced for 3 full days--life at it's best. It goes quickly but, if relished, can remain for a l-o-n-g time.

A FRIEND LOST

Two days ago we lost a great friend, Don Lichliter. If Don could hear all the praise and comments on what a wonderful person he was, he would push it aside with true humility and talk about someone he admired. He was enthusiastic about everything, even the things he didn't like. Always honest, though sometimes brash, this guy was lover of Jesus Christ. He followed to the point of acknowledging his mistakes and confessing them openly. His efforts to be what Scripture said he should be were refreshing and a model for even long-time Christians.

Dave wanted to observe Don's reaction when he met Jesus. Truly a wonderful event! We mourn because we have lost a good friend now but also rejoice that it won't be for eternity. When we catch up with him in Heaven, he will have it all scoped out. What a joy to anticipate! Will you be there too?